stuck in a rut and can't get out
2003-07-23 - 2:00 a.m.

do you ever have one of those days when everything seems to be going wrong? well I've been having one of those years! August 1st is fast approaching, and when it does arrive, i will have been living at my parents house for a full year. I haven't lived at my parents house since i left for college at 17. I've always considered myself to be an independent person, paying my way through college, with minimal help, living on my own, thousands of miles away frome anyone i knew. I quickly made friends at school, set up a nice little life for myself. Now that i'm back, i've regressed to a child. Lost focus of what i want to do with the rest of my life, became dependent on my family, and the only friends i have are through my boyfriend. i've been pondering where I went wrong, and more importantly how I can fix it, but i'm coming up emptyhanded. every attempt i make at changing my life seems to piss everyone off. I can't please anyone. I'm socially inept. I just got back from a great vacation and realized i should have just stayed in Orlando. New York is showing me no love and the temptation of different surroundings is growing. Yet I don't want to run away. The worst part is is that everyone around me is enjoying the fruits of a new york city summer and it's becoming harder to be happy for all of them, and easier to just be bitter and distance myself until i get my shit together. I can't justify enjoying other people's company when i don't even like my own.