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here's to friends i've lost
2003-06-19 - 4:10 a.m.

I've never been so nervous in my life as i am right now. This includes: the first time i was naked on stage, my first audtions, my loss of my virginity, the first day of high school, etc. Here's the back story: I've had this aunt. well she really wasn't an aunt, she was just a friend of the family. Throughout my life she has been my auntie Mame. For those of you who do not know the musical theatre reference, "auntie mame" was a rich, worldly woman who gave in unlimited quantities to her adopted nephew. About two years ago, my contact with my auntie mame ceased, through fault that is entirely my own. She was someone I pushed away because of my own insecurities and basically because i was a fool. Well about five minutes ago I bit the bullet and emailed her a long page of i'm sorry's. I'm going to be a wreck until she responds, if she even decides to. I can't express how much this woman meant to me and the HOPE that she may forgive me and let me back into her life is going to drive me crazy until i know for sure. Please wish me luck.

it's now after 4am and i have a doctors appointment in a few hours, so please wish me a good nights sleep as well.

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